THE FALACY OF THE FAITHFUL MATE:

I have been presented with this issue on previous writing discourses with my readers wanting to know my take on our contemporary dating scene.
Friends and colleagues have all had their fair share of drama in relationships. And so have you. I will thus spare you the generalities and instead focus on a few case studies that I chose to focus on whilst discussing this topic.
Let me state that men and women are all equally guilty of cheating. They cheat with a determination that is akin to their animal instinct. While men do this with reckless abandon, women will be more deliberate and painstaking. Women may choose the one night stand mode, or a long term affiliation. But it will be a well concealed affair that is unacknowledged to even their closes friends. While men may brag about it and often fall victim of their folly, you are more unlikely to catch a cheating woman. As the stereotype cheaters men are expected to sleep around and they thus are not in contravention of any societal norm. Meanwhile women will go out to seduce, make themselves available or initiate a relationship quite contrary to their instincts and tradition. It is examples of these that I wish to share.
The First Lady I met was a mother of two. She was three years into her matrimony and on the surface looked all. I initiated contact seeking information on a certain business deal she had advertised on Facebook. As days moved on our conversations moved from professional to the personal. What were her hobbies, could we meet over coffee, in town or my place. As it normally ends up in such acquaintances our conversation turned to the nitty gritty of who we were to each other. Could she agree to a weekend with me? What about sex, should we use contraceptives or go for HIV test? It was quite a steamy exchange. Late night calls lasted for hours. Eventually we set a rendezvous. This was my dilemma. I had entered this affair as an investigator seeking to find the possibility of such a liaison. And now here was a lady who had turned from prey to hunter. She incessantly called me and demanded we meet. Eventually I found a way to let her go.

What this revealed to me was the vulnerability of any woman in a marriage. They normally will be bored with the routine of their marriage. Any one willing to accept them and offer a diversion from their bland life is a welcome distraction.

I hold this truth to be self evident, that any woman will cheat with you, sleep with you, as long as she feels the need and the risk of being discovered is nil. That is the maxim for the married.

For those in relationships thats not matrimonial, cheating occurs to avenge their boyfriend’s indiscretion or for the heck of it. Just cause they can. Women at this stage will mostly be faithful to their spouses unless provoked to be otherwise. Cheating here can be induced by, as mentioned earlier anger over spouse cheating, flippant party going lifestyle, ghosts of previous relationships, or just a spur of the moment desire when conditions are right.

There are those who will have multiple partners and never be held down in a relationship. They will sleep with a guy and show him the door next morning. No strings attached type of affairs. These group flip flops from one man to another and are not as sophisticated as we may imagine. They just drop panties indiscriminately.

It thus is a tragedy for the married men. They will never tell whether the kid calling them daddy is theirs. Especially the third and fourth born. This is the time when marital bliss is dead and conception from a once a month sexual encounter is highly unlikely.
Next time you are with your girlfriend take note of the following indicators that show she might be cheating. And the when two or three show up, the likelihood that she is cheating is quite high,for as dogs in heat, a woman will always find one to satisfy her urges whenever they come. And you will be no wiser.

WHAT TYPE OF GIRL IS MORE LIKELY TO CHEAT ON YOU.

1. She has lots of close male friends – A significant number of affairs begin as close friendships with members of the opposite sex. The relationship may be platonic at the beginning, but chances are, it won’t stay that way. The closer the woman is to her platonic male friend, the more likely it is that he will eventually end up becoming her lover – unless he’s gay.

2. She has girlfriends who are cheating on their mates. – Never underestimate the power of peer pressure. Adults are susceptible to it, too. If a woman has one or more close female friends who are cheating on their husbands or boyfriends, she may eventually start cheating, too.

3. She has an excessive need for attention. – A woman who constantly craves attention may cheat on her mate if she feels she’s not getting enough attention from him. She will be easy prey for any man who showers with her the attention she feels she deserves.

4. She’s materialistic. – A materialistic woman is likely to have an affair with a wealthy man because of the material things he can provide. She can easily be seduced with jewelry, designer clothes, lavish vacations, or the cash to buy these and other expensive things.

5. She views sex as a statement of her femininity. – Her identity as a woman is tied to how many men she sleeps with. Seducing men to sleep with her is the focal point of her life. With this mental attitude, it’s hard for her to stay faithful to just one man.

6. She’s a thrill seeker or a risk taker. – If she’s the type who likes to live dangerously, she’ll cheat just for the thrill of it, or for the excitement of doing something forbidden, or for the challenge of seeing if she can pull it off without getting caught. She views infidelity as other people would view a high-risk sport.

7. She’s easily bored. – A woman who is easily bored, or who leads a dull, routine life may cheat on her mate just to alleviate her boredom or add some excitement to her life.

8. She has been cheated on by her mate. – If a woman’s husband or boyfriend has cheated on her, she may try to even the score by cheating on him in return. Many women who have been victims of infidelity will indulge in retaliatory cheating or have revenge affairs.

9. She likes being the center of attention. – If a woman thrives on being the center of attention at all times, she is sexually vulnerable to any man who fawns over her, or makes her feel like she’s #1

10. She’s addicted to alcohol or drugs. – Women who are substance abusers are much more likely to end up cheating on their mates. Female alcoholics are susceptible to infidelity because their inhibitions will be lowered and their judgment impaired. Female drug addicts may sell their bodies for drugs. Either type of woman is likely to cheat without realizing what she’s doing.

11. She has a reputation as a “party girl.” – If she’s the type of woman who runs with a fast crowd, or parties all the time, or hangs out until the wee hours of the night, her lifestyle makes her vulnerable to having an affair.

12. She’s a sex addict. – Women can be sex addicts, too. It’s an addiction that affects at least 6% of the American population. In the past these women were referred to as nymphomaniacs. This is a medical condition that requires professional medical help.

13. She has a sex drive greater than her partner’s. – If her sex drive greatly exceeds the sex drive of her husband or boyfriend, or her spouse or significant other is lacking in bedroom skills, she’s much more likely to cheat on her mate. She’ll find another man to make up for her mate’s deficiency.

14. She’s had lots of sexual experience. – If she has led a very active sex life, or has had lots of sex partners before settling down, she will find it extremely difficult to stay faithful to just one man.

15. She cheated before and got away with it. – That old saying “ Once a cheater, always a cheater will apply if she cheated in the past and didn’t suffer any negative consequences as a result of her infidelity. If she cheated before and didn’t get caught, she’s more likely to cheat again. The same applies if she cheated and her man readily forgave her without holding her accountable for her infidelity.

16. She has a big ego. – If she’s extremely egotistic, any man who feeds her inflated ego can easily get her into bed.

17. She suffers from low self esteem. – The opposite characteristic is also a danger sign. If she suffers from low-self esteem, she will be easy prey for the man who flatters her, makes her feel good about herself, and boosts her self esteem.

18. She views sex as a game. In her mind, sex is not connected to love. Sex is just a game in which she gets points for every man she beds. Even though she may be in love with her partner, she’ll have sex with as many men as possible so she can gain the maximum number of points and win the game.

SIGNS THAT SHE IS CHEATING:

If she turns secretive and tries to guard her conversations on the phone, leaves the room everytime she gets a call on her cell you are in trouble.
If you call or text her first all the time and she doesn’t bother to do so then that is a bad sign. She doesn’t initiate conversations and she starts picking fights too often. Again under any circumstances if you catch her lying, it is often a cause for concern giving signal of infidelity.Subtle changes in the behaviour of close common friends then it is possible that they know something that you don’t. Perhaps you are the last to know
If your girlfriend suddenly starts worrying a little more about her appearance – new clothes, make-up…she may be trying to look good for someone else. If she gets dressed up for you, that’s one thing but if they seem to spend a little more time looking good to go out without you, then that might be a cause to worry. When your spouse becomes emotionally distant, withdrawn or depressed for no apparent reason she is highly likely to be cheating on you.

Below is a list of character traits I observed from my own relationship with my ex- girlfriend, and other men whose spouses cheated on them. I wrote them down so as to never fall again in such a mire. Let’s look them up.

1.
The fact that she no longer wants to attend your family’s functions or hang with your friends is one of our signs she’s cheating on you. This sign may be indicative of cheater’s remorse on her part, which means that she likely feels guilty about cheating. The less she immerses herself in your circles (which contain people who are painful reminders of her sins), the less mental anguish she’ll have to endure.

2.
She nags you incessantly. Gone are the days when the two of you could communicate with harmonious precision. Now, every sentiment you express sets her off and she finds any excuse to lash out at you.
If such an about-face sounds familiar, she may be subconsciously trying to justify her little tryst. Nagging you helps eliminate or at least ease her nagging guilt. So if she habitually begins to point out your every flaw, you may want to get to the bottom of what’s really going on because it’s one of our signs she’s cheating on you.

3.
She has a mysterious friend
A telltale sign that your woman is cheating arises when a mysterious friend inches his way into the picture. Whether it’s someone she claims is a coworker or an old friend from way back, she keeps this friendship under wraps and is hesitant to share any general details about him, much less introduce you. And it doesn’t take a Ph.D. to figure out why.

4.
She deflects simple questions
You should be suspicious of your girlfriend when she refuses to answer the simplest and fairest of questions or answers questions only after repeating them back to you, which usually indicates a mind that’s searching for a lie. Be wary of times when, rather than reveal that she got home at midnight, she begrudgingly asks, “Why do you want to know what time I left the coffee shop?” If she gets defensive about disclosing information that she used to volunteer without hesitation, she may be hiding something or someone and it’s one of the surest sings she’s cheating on you.

5.
She shifts priorities away from you
If she is involved in a hot and heavy romance with someone else, you’ll definitely feel a shift in her daily priorities. Suddenly, there are no more implied Sunday dates at the movies or something always comes up on dance-lesson Thursday. There is a tendency for most philanderers to schedule meetings with their new flame as often as they can, which results in a complete disregard for previous engagements.

6.
She puts more effort into looking sexy
You may like her just the way she is, but that won’t stop her from trying to dazzle her new fling. Just as you tried to impress each other at the beginning of your relationship, she’ll try to impress her new flame with a sudden urge to improve her style, change her makeup and alter her physical appearance for the new man in her life. So, while her desire to look sexier is one thing, not caring about your opinion on the matter is quite another.

7.
She becomes autonomous
One of the biggest signs she’s cheating on you is her breaking away from your little two-person unit to become more autonomous. She has dropped “we” from her vocabulary in favor of “I.” Moreover, she does more things on her own and stops consulting you about future plans. In short, she conducts herself in ways that hint that she no longer needs you to hold her hand. Whether she’s hoping you’ll leave her or she’s simply looking for more time to lead her “double life,” it’s safe to conclude that she wants you out of the picture — she just can’t build up the nerve to leave you.

8.
She has no interest in sex with you
When your relationship was new, the two of your were full of passion and open to spontaneous lovemaking. Now it’s all a bit iffy, whereby you’re rarely hitting the sheets and you’re only doing so if and when she feels like it.
On a slightly more ego-bashing note, she may suddenly become bored by your performance and appear to be thinking about someone else when you do make love. Cheating may be wrong, but you can’t deny that unlawful sex is usually more exhilarating. So, if you can no longer satisfy her sexually, someone else may be rubbing her the right way.

9.
She’s secretive about her schedule
She may claim to no longer have time for any extracurricular activities with you, yet she has one foot out the door the minute one of her girlfriends calls. Either that or she has been “going away on business” one too many times. And when she does leave, her whereabouts are sketchy at best and you are somehow always the last to know.
Disclosing her itinerary to you at the last minute and overlooking your plans in the process can mean many things, one of which isn’t that she’s forgetting, but rather leaving you out.

10.
You become irrelevant
What could be worse than a girlfriend who nags you about absolutely everything? How about one who stops noticing that you’re even alive? Just as being a constant nag is a sign that she’s cheating on you, the opposite could be yet another clue of your loves cheating ways.
All at once, she doesn’t care if you don’t want to go to the ballet with her; she’ll just find somebody else with whom to go. And whatever opinion you may have, be it about how she looks or how you’re feeling, is met with a tepid response. In other words, she doesn’t place the same importance on what you think and what you do as she once did, especially on things that directly affect the relationship.

11.
Has she been getting more private phone calls lately? Does she leave the room to talk on the phone more than before? When you ask her about a call, does her response seem genuine, or does it seem that she is not being truthful about who is on the other end?
Any change in phone calls including frequency of calls, time of day, tone of voice or a change in text messaging habits could all signify that she is cheating. When she answers the phone, does she drop her volume or suddenly sound as flirtatious as she did when you were first dating? If it seems like her phone habits are changing and you cannot understand the changes, you may be witnessing an affair.

12.
Dates with Girlfriends
Is she spending more time with her girlfriends than in the past? Are there many evenings out with the girls, when there were almost none just a short while ago? When you ask her who she will be with, does her answer sound sincere?
If any of these scenarios ring a bell, your wife may be going out, but not with the girls. If she was not socializing with her friends with the same frequency that she is now, that is a sign. If she is doing different things than she did with the girls in the past (e.g., they always went to the movies, but now she is going out dancing), that is a good indication that all is not what it seems.

13.
Showering and the Gym
Does she come home freshly showered, when in the past she did not shower during the day? Does she seem to be going to the gym more often than she used to?
There are two parts to this one. The gym excuse could be legitimate; it just might be that she is going there more frequently. The problem is that she might be working out more to impress her new love interest. And if she is not in need of her usual shower at night, chances are she is showering after an afternoon of steamy sex, followed by a steamy shower.

14.
Cologne
Does she ever smell of different cologne, one that is more masculine than hers? Do you ever comment on the new scent she is wearing, only to find that she does not apply the same scent at home?
It could be that the new scent is not hers, but his. Do you by any chance recognize the scent as one you might have tried in the past? And — I hope this is not the case — do you recognize it as a scent one of your friends wears? Need I say more?

15.
Eye Contact
Has she stopped making eye contact when answering questions about where she has been and what she has been doing? Does she avoid looking you straight in the eye, when that was not an issue before?
For most people (other than psychopaths and trained spies), it is very challenging to look someone who knows you very well in the eye and tell an out-and-out lie. If your wife is lying to you, there is a very good likelihood that she will be looking anywhere but into your eyes when she does.

16.
Alcohol and Other Substances
Is she drinking outside the home at odd times (daytime) or more than before? Have you suspected drug use, where there was none before? Does she ever smell of cigarettes, even though she doesn’t smoke?
If you are seeing any of these scenarios, there is probably a partner in crime. Sex, drugs and rock and roll all go together, as does alcohol, and could all be indulged in during a tryst. If she smells of cigarettes and she does not smoke, you can bet that he does. You know, almost certainly, that someone else is influencing her choices if these behaviors are taking place when they were not happening before.

17.
Sexual Deviations
Does she want sex less often than usual? Does she seem to just be going through the motions? Is she asking for things you never did before or teaching you new tricks?
Any extreme variances in sexual behavior are possible indications that there is a new influence in her life. While there are other possible circumstances (e.g., she has just finished “Fifty Shades Of Gray”), the most likely scenario is that she is getting fulfilled outside of the relationship or realizing that there are new and different things that she enjoys and is bringing them into your bed.

18.
The other most prominently featured sign of infidelity is the fact that the unfaithful spouse became angry, critical and even at times cruel. Is your spouse often complaining of trivial things? Do you sense unhappiness in your spouse, but you can’t explain it or understand it? (And do they refuse to acknowledge it or talk about it when asked?) Do you feel like you can’t do anything right? Do you feel like you keep giving and they keep taking yet they are still unhappy? Yes’s to these questions are among the signs of infidelity.

19.
Dislikes control.
Another sign of infidelity is the issue of control voiced by those who are cheating. Often they complain that their spouses are “controlling”, yet they themselves are guilty of attempting to control. Does your spouse complain about being controlled or that they are being watched, even if you ask very little of what they are doing? Or do you feel pressured to do such and such? If you find that ‘control’ is an ongoing issue in your discussions with your mate your relationship could be at risk.

20.
Increase in working hours, after work meetings, business trips and a need to work out of town for prolonged periods of time.

21.
When she becomes extra flirtatious with the opposite sex. If she keeps telling you that they were ‘just friends. The fact that she continually seemed to need to emphasize it, when you aren’t even asking, should have been an indication to you that something is up.

22.
Another sign of infidelity is an obsessive need for ‘private ness’ and staying up late at night to work on the computer. When confronted with his excessive late night hours in front of the monitor, one cheater responded “it’s none of your business. I’m entitled to my privacy.” This is a typical response of an unfaithful spouse. Unfortunately the internet has opened up a whole new way to infidelity. When your spouse suddenly needs a private email or bank account (which they become highly defensive about maintaining) there is a good chance that they are hiding something, and that something is probably marital infidelity. Hiding credit card statements and phone bills are also among the signs of infidelity.

These signs are not written in order of importance. For example I experienced signs elucidated in points 10,11,15,16,18, 19, 20 and 21.

For advice on how to proof that your spouse is cheating and how to deal with her, watch out for my next article on this blog.

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